Twenty Fifteen Heartaches

June 20, 2016 ·

I condone you for your endless delinquent acts, for the night you pushed me up against a parking meter and wrapped your hands tightly around my neck. You were infuriated. I stared into your beautiful hazel eyes, 6 year relationship and i didn't have a single clue who you are.

Drunk as I was I drove away, weeping, crying, could barely see the road. I was mourning the death of what I thought was my true love, for I know that from that melancholy night, it will never be same, we will never be the same. I was ill, indignant, I didn't quiet know what went wrong. I cursed your name, i vowed to myself never to look back, never to forgive. For months I fronted like a vigorous woman but deep inside my heart was decaying. I cried, mourned, cried and cried some more, will my heart ever heal? Will I ever love again? What is love? I was trying to heal my lonesome self when you called and begged me to convince your lady that we don't have a line of communication and that fuckin hurt. It's only been two months, how did you move on so fast? How do you have the audacity to break my shattered heart even more when I was trying to piece it back together? I tried my hardest to not visit the memory of the past, the first time we kissed, the dare that changed my life, the moment when you professed your love for me, so naive, so young, so in love. Expunged out of my memory, but i fell asleep and dreamt of you. Why love? Leave me alone! I met a few men that probably could've helped me heal but I know it wouldn't be just if i use them to eradicate your sweet sweet memories. I decided to be alone and figure who I truly am. Not knowing who and where to resort to, I turned to God. I started praying for my broken heart. Revisited the past, made peace with my first love. Then I prayed for my spirit to let go of yours all together. Months later, I felt happiness creeping in, I started to live again. You called me once again to make amends, I said yes. I saw you for the first time after a year, you looked the same but your eyes were dull, sad, lifeless. What happened to you? That encounter, I didn't know how I would react, in awe I was calm and collected, I wasn't mad at all. Thats when I knew I have forgiven you. I felt terrible for the situations you induced yourself with, I decided to be there for you when you needed me since she left you and you were in so much trouble. Little did I know I was going to get hurt again, after a few months of being your friend and me believing that you've changed, you were still the same toxic, heartless man. You let me down again. Drop me like a fly. I then learned that no matter how genuine my care and concerns are, you just used me like them other good for the night women. I'm not one of them, I'm genuine, I have too much heart, too much soul, too much love to give. And one day, a man will come into my life and treat me like a supreme woman that I am, a man who will love me more than I love him. I know my worth and it's something you do not deserve. So I'd like to thank you for teaching me the biggest lesson in my life. This is now goodbye, I wish you nothing but happiness.